Going Through It, To Get Over It!

Hello to all of my favorite readers out there. Thank you for stopping by. I am so happy you are here! I hope you are feeling good today. Guess what? I am!  No, doctors have not found a cure for HS this month. I know like everything else, this is temporary, but I am going to ride this good feeling out until the motor drops on the ground and the wheels fall off.

I have been having really vivid dreams lately about my daddy and all of my grandmothers’. I didn’t think anything of it until it started to happen each and every night. As some of you know, they are all deceased. The dreams had to mean something. I began to write down what I remembered immediately after I woke up. I discovered each and every night, Mudea, Momma Dosie, Daddy, Momma Mae and Momma Ola were all rooting for me. In each dream, each interaction they were telling me to keep going. I hear it now so clearly, “Landa don’t stop, don’t give up, I am here.” I woke up with tears in my eyes and smile on my face. I know they all are here watching over me. You see, I never told anyone about my last pain cycle with my HS but my mom. Only she knew how bad I felt and how down I was. My mom said those same words to me. It was at that moment, I told my mom I had to go and I would call her back the next day. I started to focus on my family and friends that are always rooting for me. I said okay and little by little, step by step, I began to feel stronger than I was before.

I had literally already talked myself out of going to see Iyanla Vanzant at the Fox Theatre. Maybe someone else will buy my ticket, I thought. Besides, it was a fabulous seat. The thought of having to change out of my pajamas and getting dressed up was too much for me to think about. Then there was traffic. I would have to leave at 5:30 and who in their right mind would get into traffic at that time? Not to mention, I would be exhausted from working all day. It was just too damn much! Just as I was about to post my ticket for sale online, I sat down and was still. I sat still, took a breath and began to laugh. Who said I had to get dressed up? I can go as myself. Iyanla said she focused on healing and not image. So I removed that self placed pressure I created and decided whatever I put on I would be fabulous. You know why? Because I am fabulous. Why was I worried about traffic? I had not been in my car all day and I am sure it was nothing me and Ludacris could not handle with a little “Move B***** Get Out Tha Way!” Step by step, little by little, I got dressed and out the door I went.

The Fox is a beautiful theatre and there were so many beautiful people there. The funny thing is I met so many people that were there alone, but we ended up leaving together as sisters. When Iyanla hit the stage, the crowd went wild.  Okay, full disclosure, I wanted to run up on stage and steal a hug. I decided against that because I did not want to go to jail and end up on YouTube. The show was so powerful you could feel the energy, connections and people getting stronger. You had to be there to experience it.  Some things she touched on that really spoke to me were:

  • Sometimes we have to ask God to soften our heart. Forgiveness is rough!
  • When we use the word fear, it’s not that at all. It’s not being in control of the outcome.
  • Never underestimate the ruthlessness of the ego.
  • Be mindful of the things you think about and what you place your focus on.
  • Be careful what you tell yourself about yourself.
  • All thoughts are neutral. They have no value or meaning until we assign it.
  • We focus on negative emotions more than the positive ones because of the emotional pulse attached to it.

Her book “Get Over It” is a must read. It is not what it sounds like. She is not saying get over it in a flippant manner, but in a way that teaches you how to leave the negative behind so it no longer holds you hostage.

I plan to keep this good feeling going for as long as I can. HS, anxiety, depression, anger nor excuses will stop me!  I want all of us to shoot for the good feeling. If you are unable to show up for yourself, it’s okay, I WILL SHOW UP FOR YOU! We are all in this together. We don’t have to do it alone.

I love you all to life!

Landa

 

Music Is Medicine Too….

I consider myself an avid music lover. I listen to all types of music. I love r&b, rap, soul, jazz, gospel, country, blues and classical. Music really makes my heart smile. I can remember as a little girl using one of my combs as a microphone when I sang the latest tunes. I would stay in the mirror for hours singing my heart out. My cousin and I even started a singing group. The funny thing is she could actually sing and I was really good at singing over the music. Too bad I didn’t have auto tunes back then. I listened to my Walkman so much, I would put the batteries in the freezer in order to keep the music going. Music has the power to help form bonds and bring happiness in any situation. When I was growing up, my mother and I would sing each and every song by Anita Baker and Luther Vandross at home and in the car. We sang the songs as if we were headlining the shows ourselves.  You choose your genre depending on how you are feeling at the time. I really don’t like driving in Atlanta traffic, so when I do it requires very loud rap music. I put on Ludacris’ song  “Move”, take a deep breath and I am ready for my journey. I belt out this song at the top of my voice over and over until I get to where I am going. Am I singing to relieve stress or am I giving other drivers instructions? Either way, it gets me pumped and on my way. When I need to write or study, I listen to Mozart or Beethoven. Classical music takes me to the countryside in England and relaxes me to the point were everything begins to make sense.  Okay, maybe I go to sleep and forget what I am doing. It’s okay, I just start over when I wake up.

Music can take you back to a good place or an unpleasant one. I can still remember the song that was playing the night my father passed away. It was Jill Scott’s “I Keep/Still Here.”  The long drive from the hospital as tears rolled down my face and that song will forever be burned in my brain.  It’s such a beautiful song, but whenever I hear it I am overcome with sadness because all I can think about is the night I lost my father. I take my time to cry and then I try to remember music that reminds me of a fun time with him. Like one of the first times I drove back to Alabama after I moved to Atlanta. I had just purchased a new Honda Accord and my father wanted to go for a test drive. I literally forgot I was listening to Trina’s album “The Glamorest Life” at full blast when I was driving home. I forgot to turn it off before he got in the car. When he came back into the house, he gave me this look and said ” what was that girl saying on that song?” I told him it was my ex-husbands CD and he forced me to listen.

Music is my friend and motivates me when I need it. Music can really help if you give it a chance. There have been studies done that prove listening to music improves chronic pain, your memory and your workout. Listening to music can lift your mood and help you relax, which will bring down blood pressure and relieve muscle tension. With all these benefits that music can carry, it’s no surprise that music therapy is growing in popularity. Many hospitals are using music therapists for pain management and other uses that support their patients’ health. So I say listen to your music and dance to the beat of your own drum.