What/Where In The World? Pick One!

I know it has been a while since I have posted. To be quite honest, when I sat down at my desk to write I did not know where to begin. I had to keep in mind this is my blog and not my journal, but at the same time being as authentic as I can. There has been so much going on in the world that when I actually sit down and try to understand it all, I want to take all of my family and friends to a secret place to try and protect them. Then I wonder is there a place for any of us to go. The world has its way of making some of us feel like we don’t belong anywhere. School shootings, shootings targeting black people, black people being killed by police, black people being afraid to ask police for help, the justice system over sentencing based on the color of your skin, teachers not making enough money to function on a daily basis, fear of SSI and Medicaid being cut for the elderly, overwhelming student debt for people trying to get jobs that don’t even pay enough for them to live on, looking at videos of racist people saying we don’t belong here and its time to make America white again. I could write an entire page of just issues that are going on today, but I know you get the point. If you were unable to take a breath from trying to read that run on sentence, imagine trying to take a breath while you live it.  Trying to understand this and be apart of the solution while trying to live with HS has been a bit overwhelming.  My faith was being tested. I was beginning to wonder if anyone cared. What can I do? What can you do?  Needless to say I was in a rut.

I am only one person and alone it does not seem like I can do much, but I will do what I can. I know it sounds cliché but I will be the change I want to see. With all of the mean, vile, racist and uncaring people in the world, I will always try to remember there are just as many good people in the world. I realize the further I get away from God the more complex my life tends to be. It makes more sense to give Him the time I spend scrolling through Facebook and watching the news. It doesn’t mean I am trying to keep my head buried so the problems would go away. It means that I need to do things that will strengthen my faith and my soul. I always make sure the people I surround myself with are strong, loving and supportive people. I am going to be strong, loving and supportive to them. If I am defeated and depleted, I am no good to myself or anyone else. I am going to fight for what is right and spread awareness when and where I can.  I know I am just one person, but sometimes that’s all it takes….Right?

 

 

 

We All Should Be Tired…..

I looked at my calendar today and I have so many appointments this month, I should literally think about sleeping in my car. HS seems to be the thread that is affecting all of the goings on in my body. I ended up going to see my GI doctor last week. I knew there was something wrong with my stomach. HS affects every part of my body.  Fast forward to diverticulitis, CT scan and possible colonoscopy, I am just over everything. Some days it’s like all I have time for is to be sick.  It can be a bit much sometimes. Can’t I just stress out over the “normal” stuff like everyone else?

There are times when I look up from own life to try to participate in living among others and it can be overwhelming too. I want to do so much, but I don’t have the energy. I have so many plans to cook, clean, volunteer, dance, date and write letters the old fashioned way. Yeah, if I do at least one of those things each day, I have literally won! Not everyone understands how HS basically dictates almost everything in your life.  So now we have had Harvey and Irma and all their devastation. Now I think there are two other storms coming too! Sheesh! Donating and prayer does not seem to be enough, but it’s all I can do right now. Don’t even try to watch the news because if it’s not about politics it’s about the looming possibility of war. Having a son in the U.S. Army comes with its own anxiety. Traffic accidents, robberies, assaults, inclement weather, job stress, life stress, climate control, financial stress it’s a wonder anyone can literally get out a bed each day. There is so much going on in the world and we should all be tired.

So when do we take a mental break before our mind, body and soul does it for us? Honestly, there is not a designated time so we take the little moments as they come. As I writing this post, I am doing one of my favorite things. I am listening to Insecure on the television laughing as if it is the first time I am watching.  After this, I plan to go to my room and turn on my sound machine and listen to the ocean while I read. I have learned the hard way, if you don’t dump the day, you wake up the next morning and repeat it.