Today seemed to be a day of positive reflection for me. Yesterday was the 2 year anniversary of the passing of my Scottish Terrier Ali. As I was remembering all of the great and funny times we had, I could not help but to think about the day he died. I remember donating all of his stuff the animal hospital and going home pulling the cover over my head. I did not leave the house for several days after his death. Then one day there was a knock at the door. Contemplating whether or not I was going to answer, I sat there in silence. The knocking only got louder. I finally went to the door and it was my neighbor. I am sure she was frightened of the sight that came to the door because I was looking the way I was feeling, A COMPLETE MESS. She told me she hadn’t seen me outside for several days and she wanted to make sure I was doing okay. I muttered something to try to get rid of her, but it did not work. She continued to tell me how she enjoyed seeing me and Ali outside playing around and that he would not want me to isolate myself. I thanked her for coming over and told her I was going to get out of the house. She told me if I didn’t she would be back and she was going to assist me. We laughed and I shut the door, but I knew she was as serious as she could possibly be.
On yesterday while I was working, there was this loud, strong knock at the door. Gambino and I looked at each other. He started to bark and I started to ask him questions like “who is that knocking like the police? Why are they at my door? and Where is the bat?” I finally made it to the door and there stood this beautiful little elderly woman with her cane. It was my neighbor’s mom. When I opened the door, she said ” my daughter told me to come and knock on your door if I wanted to turn the TV on in the living room because the last time I tried to turn it on the repairman had to fix it!” I laughed, grabbed Gambino and went over to help her. While I was trying to figure out the television remote controllers, she went on to tell me how much she enjoys watching me walk Gambino. She especially likes when he puts the leash in his mouth and walks himself. She reminded me of the time he ran up the street and when I started chasing him, I lost a shoe. We laughed and I offered to give her Gambino because clearly he was a bad puppy!
I get messages from some of my friends on social media that say they look forward to reading my posts because they can count on them being hilarious or inspirational. I never knew people were enjoying them. I try to share things that touch me in some way and can hopefully do the same for someone else. You never know who is watching you. You never know what kind of impact you can have on a person’s life by just doing typical everyday things. Who did you notice today? Did you say something kind to anyone today? Sprinkle kindness on everything!
I know its been a while since I have embraced my blog, but I am so happy to be writing this post. As I sit here an write I am listening to Drake’s In My Feelings that has taken social media by storm with the shiggy challenge. I have been singing and trying to dance to this song for 3 days now. My puppy Gambino started out enjoying the festivities, now he just goes and hides when I start the music. Of course you know I force him to dance with me because I am his mom dammit! LOL! Needless to say today is a good day.
For those of you who know me personally, you know I am a planner. For the most part I need to know how, when and where when I am doing something preferably before hand. I am working on being more spontaneous, but I must say it is not easy. I call it being organized, others call it being a control freak. With that being said, once upon a time I really thought I could plan love. Yes you read it right, love. One of the most fickle, wild, crazy, unpredictable feelings/action ever know to man. The list was made. Everything from the way he looked, his job, hygiene skills, the type of car he drove to what kind of parents he would have. I wouldn’t say I was on the hunt, but I would say rather I was carrying this list with me everywhere and if I met someone who fit then it was a good thing. Right? WRONG! I will tell you why. If you never meet a man with these qualifications then you think you have failed at love in some form. Like maybe he is not out there for you and you are destined to be alone. Or you end up frustrated and say to hell with the list and decide to choose from being a workaholic or a crazy dog lady. Whatever comes first.
Then, it just happens. The day you are minding your own business while you are in Publix trying to find ripe bananas for yourself and fresh ones for your puppy. He asks you if you could hand him a fruit bag. (That he could’ve gotten himself!) As you are handing him the bag you both end up dropping your fruit. 5 minutes later you exchanged numbers and he says he is going to call you once he gets home. ( AND HE DOES!) That is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
Sometimes there is no handbook or script. You just have to go with it. Not everything is meant to be planned. Life is too short not to make the best of it. It is when you least expect it the magic begins.
We Meet For A Reason. Either You Are A Blessing Or A Lesson
I was never a dog person growing up. I thought there were only two kinds of dogs; vicious ones and stray ones running around outside eating everything in sight. Honestly, I was afraid of both. I tried not to walk past houses with dogs in fear of being chased. If I saw a stray dog in the yard, I would stay in the house. Once I moved to Atlanta, it was as if everyone had a dog. They were in cars, purses, department stores and even on bikes with their humans. For the life of me, I could not understand what the fascination was. Then I met my wonderful friend Machelle. She had a Pomeranian named Cody and I thought he was going to eat me alive. Whenever I went to her house, he would bark and I would run from this 5lb ball of fur. Machelle insisted he was trying to get to know me. I insisted he was trying to rip my skin open to eat my insides. Yes, I was a bit dramatic but fear does that to you. During one of my visits, Machelle and I were laughing about something silly and Cody jumped in my lap and rested. I didn’t know what to do next. Do I run? Do I throw him off my lap and head for the door? Do I ask her to get him off of me? I ended up sitting there. She told me to rub him if I liked. That was when it happened, I was converted. Cody let me rub him and I started talking to him. I felt like he understood each word I was saying to him. We became instant friends. I couldn’t believe I was ever afraid of him. He was so fluffy and friendly.
I had the “puppy bug”. I played with every puppy and dog I saw. I had full blown conversations with them not realizing I was ignoring their owners. I would leave the interaction knowing all about the dog and not even knowing the owner’s name. (I still do that!) I decided I wanted a puppy. I started doing research on the best breeds and all of the do’s and don’ts about getting a new puppy. The opportunity presented itself and I was able to get a Scottish Terrier. I named him Ali. He was the absolute best. We developed a great bond. Ali taught me so much about patience and unconditional love. We had routine and my favorite things became his favorite things. Ali even taught my family a bit of patience and understanding. My dad, mom and second-mom were not dog lovers. When I took Ali home to visit, I thought we would not have a place to stay. When I introduced them to Ali, all they wanted to know was if he was going to bite them. All he wanted was love. They welcomed us both with open arms . They loved Ali because I loved him. He was now a part of our family. He got gifts at Christmas like everyone else. It was wonderful. I was blessed with Ali for 13 years. I lost him to cancer in September of 2016. I was devastated and I vowed never to get another dog. It hurt too much when he died. The first night I walked back into my house and he was not there to greet me was unbearable. I donated all of his belongings to an animal hospital the same night.
More than six months had passed since his death and I was still without a faithful companion. My friends kept asking me when I was going to get another puppy. I was so reluctant to the idea. There were days I wanted another dog and there were days I didn’t. I could never replace Ali and I didn’t want to love another animal the way I loved him. To tell you the truth, my life was really boring without a dog. All I did was work and when I wasn’t working I was constantly trying to find something to do. On my son’s 24th birthday April 1, 2017, I received a text message asking if I was still looking for a dog. I asked ” who is this and who sent you?” Then it happened, he sent me a picture of this 1lb Maltipoo and I fell in love all over again. My friend and I went to Greensboro and picked him up. Please allow me to introduce you to my Gambino. He is so smart and spoiled. I wouldn’t want him any other way. He is about 7 months in this picture. He refused to go to bed that night.
I made it. I survived my dad’s birthday without completely falling apart. Of course there were tears, but I can honestly say happy tears. As I sat in pain all day because the cyst on my abdomen had ruptured, I smiled and thought about the pain my dad was in with renal failure. I sucked it up as best I could and continued with my day. I planned on it being a great day with nothing but happy thoughts and memories. It was a good idea at least. I ended up watching the news and felt my heart breaking all over again. Hurricane Harvey has literally destroyed the lives of so many people. I watched as families lost everything they owned and still managed to be thankful just for being alive. I wanted to do something to help so I decided to donate. As I was walking to the room to get my wallet, a sharp pain from my abdomen took me to my knees and I was literally helpless. The cyst had torn and gotten worse. I looked down and felt so defeated.
I sat on the floor for an hour after I went to what I call my medical bag and cleaned the wound. That was my day, gone. I did not feel like bandaging up and going out. I am sick of wearing tights and t-shirts because to those who don’t understand Hidradenitis it looks like you are just being lazy and not wanting to dress up. The more and more I thought about how HS just changed my plans, the more and more angry I became. Then my puppy came in and sat beside me looking as if he was saying, “Ok Momma what is plan B, I am here to help.” A tear dropped and I told him we needed to get the wallet to donate to those affected by the hurricane. It was not about me or my pain, but about helping someone else. The pain is always going to be here until a cure is found. I can’t wait to be kind until I feel great because I would never be. I looked around to see what I could hold on for balance as I got up. I grabbed my chair and rose to my feet. Every step I made towards my bag felt like a gang of people doing the electric slide on my stomach as I lay on the floor cheering them on. Finally I got to the wallet and donated in the name of my father. He was so kind and never focused on his pain. Neither would I.
I was able to make it to my recliner once I finished with my computer. The recliner was my bed and Gambino slept in his tent after fighting sleep like an infant. I was not able to make it back to the bedroom. It was too far. I stayed in the chair until morning. I will get up and try again.