By now you have read the meme to this post and I can almost guarantee that you either laughed out loud or shook your head in agreement. I consider myself a pretty strong woman and I can think of so many times I took a good cry before or maybe after I bossed up and handled things. Typically none of us tells that part of the story, just the part where we show strength. For some reason, we tend to think vulnerability makes us seem weak and fragile, but that is not true. When we are vulnerable we are actually showing just how strong we are.
One of the most recent crying/boss up moments happened to me when my mommy called and told me she had to have heart surgery. I immediately stepped into momma bear mode right then and there. When she hung up the phone, I grabbed my puppy and cried like a baby. That was my mommy and I could not understand why this was happening to her. After my soul was cleansed from my good ole cry, I bossed back up because I had no choice but to be strong for her.
Depending on my mood I might be listening to Bach, Beethoven, Tupac, Jay-Z, Charlie Daniels or Faith Hill. Thinking back on another moment, one day as I finish a verse in one of Pac’s songs that talked about taking someone out the game, I started to think back to when that same song was playing in the car when I was riding with my daddy. He looked over at me as I sang along getting every word right and asked why was I singing that song like I had lived it. I replayed that moment like it had just happened. I laughed for a split second before I had a mini-meltdown. Tears, snot, the ugly cry and all happened so quickly. This went on for what seemed like forever. Then all of a sudden my phone rang and I saw my son Chris was calling. I gathered my composure and answered. When Chris asked me what I was doing I answered in my boss voice,” listening to some Pac and thinking about your Paw Paw Mike!” I could not let Chris hear me upset because he would have automatically thought something bad had happened no matter what I said to him. He worries about me enough, so I had to boss up before the call. Afterwards I had to laugh at myself.
Continue to be strong, stoic and persevere, but if you need to take a moment and cry it’s okay. Just make sure you boss back up and take care of business. If you need help doing it, just ask. It’s okay!
“…you know that a good, long session of weeping can often make you feel better, even if your circumstances have not changed one bit.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Bad Beginning
I try to stay mindful of the fact that not everyone has a person or people in their lives to pick them up when they fall or give them a kind word when they are having a rough day. I wanted to show up today for anyone who is unable to show up for themselves and perhaps may not have anyone to say the things that they may need to hear right now. Just in case no has told you today,
- You are going to be okay
- All you can do is the best you can
- It may be the end of the road, but not the end of the world
- This is just temporary
- You are such a beautiful person inside and out
- It is okay not to be okay
- You are not alone
- No one is perfect
- Even the smallest thing we do for ourselves or someone else can bring so much joy
- The love you have for yourself surpasses the love anyone else can have for you
- Be kind to yourself
- It’s okay to laugh at yourself
I felt a need to put this out in the world because we are all in this thing called life together, whether we know one another personally or not. You may need these words today or maybe it’s someone you know. Maybe you will meet a stranger today who needs a kind word. The world is hard enough on us all. Let’s try to pull one another up in hope, kindness and love.
P.S. I went to walk my dog this morning and I had the leash and his poop bags, but I forgot my dog! I chose to laugh at myself instead of getting upset about messing up the walk.
Speak with you soon.
Life is messy, people are irrational and nothing is perfect. All things considered, I am still here. Turning 41 today has been great and has been a time of reflection. When I turned 40, I had a sudden sense of dread because my “list” was not done. I had a list of “should have dones” I felt were mandatory to have completed before my birthday. Needless to say I didn’t finish it. What was I going to do? I wanted to have these things checked off and done. I felt like this list equated success and since it was incomplete I was somehow unsuccessful. After sitting in the feeling of dread for a while, I finally decided what I was going to do. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! I decided to live instead. Don’t misunderstand me, I am an organized person who likes to plan but I no longer wanted to equate success or happiness with things or a list. I gave myself permission to not be so rigid, but instead take life as it comes. By the grace of God, hard work and a great support system, I have overcome many obstacles in life. I have and will continue to help people along the way because I feel like that is the reason we are here. That is success.
I leave you with this short poem I wrote in honor of turning 41 today. I am excited about what the next year has to bring. I know there will be wrong turns, detours, delays and maybe even some stop signs. Life is a journey and I am constantly learning and growing. I will survive it and be a better person for it.
I didn’t get the promotion, but I still have JOBS, I am okay.
I didn’t get the house I thought I wanted at the time, but I have a fabulous place and a roof over my head, I am okay.
I didn’t get the date I thought I was not going to be able to survive without, I am okay.
I have defeated some Goliath’s this year that I never thought I could face, I am okay.
Thank you God for not giving me what I thought I wanted, but what I needed instead. I am more than okay…. I am truly blessed.
Why do firsts have to be so hard? There is the infamous first day of school when we hope to start class with people we already know or are related to. It would be so awkward and scary otherwise. Most children want to ride the bus the first day to start the “will you be my friend” process, but some parents insist on taking them to school. This only adds to the anxiety because walking into the classroom holding your mom’s hand gives off the impression you are afraid and would rather be at home watching cartoons. Everyone is staring and you just want to turn and run. You’re just looking for that one person to connect with so you don’t have to be alone.
There is the first day of college when you leave all of your familiar surroundings to start your academic career in a big new world. No parents around to ask questions or directions. You don’t have your friends around to talk about the new people because you are now the new person. New dorm mates , classes and responsibilities you never thought you would have to deal with on your own and you still don’t know anyone. Who am I going to bond with in class? Who am I going to get notes from? Who am I going to eat my meals with? How do I get to the class or the cafeteria? It’s all confusing and overwhelming and if you don’t ask for help, you end up looking like a lost tourist.
Starting a new job is one of the most exciting and terrifying things we can do. Finally you get the chance to work in the field you went to school for, but you have to learn all of the nuances of the company and the people you work for and with. Of course everyone offers to help you when you need it, but you don’t want to wear out your welcome. We all start with a sense of confidence, but it can quickly turn into ” I should know this already!” So then we don’t want to ask questions because of the fear of our co-workers whispering about the new girl.
The one thing firsts have in common is that it’s a new beginning. No one wants to start out being the newbie, but at least the we take the chance and actually start. As I was watching the 25th anniversary special of Def Comedy Jam, I saw a very old skit of Dave Chappelle. It was then I began to reflect on what it was like to be a newbie. When he first started his comedy, what if he had allowed the fear and anxiety of being a newbie stop him from doing standup? He had to start in order to begin his career. Today he is one of the most rich, famous, funniest and sought after comedians to date. I know I have used being the newbie as the reason I would not go to a function or start a new project. I was worried about not knowing anyone there and not having anyone to talk to. Why be a wallflower when I could be at home binge watching my favorite shows? That does not require me to have to try to interact with anyone and therefore no awkwardness. I was so anxious about starting this blog because it’s something new and I am not an expert on blogging. Before I started, I thought I needed to know everything or I couldn’t start. One day I decided to just start writing and hoped for the best. We don’t have to know everything or wait for the perfect moment before we try something new. Being a newbie means we started and we all have to start somewhere.