Tag: Mommy

We Can Do Both, It’s Okay!

therapistsneedtherapytooLeave a comment

By now you have read the meme to this post and I can almost guarantee that you either laughed out loud or shook your head in agreement.  I consider myself a pretty strong woman and I can think of so many times I took a good cry before or maybe after I bossed up and handled things. Typically none of us tells that part of the story, just the part where we show strength.  For some reason, we tend to think vulnerability makes us seem weak and fragile, but that is not true. When we are vulnerable we are actually showing just how strong we are.

One of the most recent crying/boss up moments happened to me when my mommy called  and told me she had to have heart surgery. I immediately stepped into momma bear mode right then and there. When she hung up the phone, I grabbed my puppy and cried like a baby. That was my mommy and I could not understand why this was happening to her. After my soul was cleansed from my good ole cry, I bossed back up because I had no choice but to be strong for her.

Depending on my mood I might be listening to Bach, Beethoven, Tupac, Jay-Z, Charlie Daniels or Faith Hill. Thinking back on another moment, one day as I finish a verse in one of Pac’s songs that talked about taking someone out the game,  I started to think back to when that same song was playing in the car when I was riding with my daddy. He looked over at me as I sang along getting every word right and asked why was I singing that song like I had lived it. I replayed that moment like it had just happened.  I laughed for a split second before I had a mini-meltdown. Tears, snot, the ugly cry and all happened so quickly. This went on for what seemed like forever. Then all of a sudden my phone rang and I saw my son Chris was calling. I gathered my composure and answered. When Chris asked me what I was doing I answered in my boss voice,” listening to some Pac and thinking about your Paw Paw Mike!”  I could not let Chris hear me upset because he would have automatically thought something bad had happened no matter what I said to him. He worries about me enough, so I had to boss up before the call. Afterwards I had to laugh at myself.

Continue to be strong, stoic and persevere, but if you need to take a moment and cry it’s okay. Just make sure you boss back up and take care of business. If you need help doing it, just ask. It’s okay!

“…you know that a good, long session of weeping can often make you feel better, even if your circumstances have not changed one bit.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Bad Beginning

 

Going Through It, To Get Over It!

therapistsneedtherapytooLeave a comment

Hello to all of my favorite readers out there. Thank you for stopping by. I am so happy you are here! I hope you are feeling good today. Guess what? I am!  No, doctors have not found a cure for HS this month. I know like everything else, this is temporary, but I am going to ride this good feeling out until the motor drops on the ground and the wheels fall off.

I have been having really vivid dreams lately about my daddy and all of my grandmothers’. I didn’t think anything of it until it started to happen each and every night. As some of you know, they are all deceased. The dreams had to mean something. I began to write down what I remembered immediately after I woke up. I discovered each and every night, Mudea, Momma Dosie, Daddy, Momma Mae and Momma Ola were all rooting for me. In each dream, each interaction they were telling me to keep going. I hear it now so clearly, “Landa don’t stop, don’t give up, I am here.” I woke up with tears in my eyes and smile on my face. I know they all are here watching over me. You see, I never told anyone about my last pain cycle with my HS but my mom. Only she knew how bad I felt and how down I was. My mom said those same words to me. It was at that moment, I told my mom I had to go and I would call her back the next day. I started to focus on my family and friends that are always rooting for me. I said okay and little by little, step by step, I began to feel stronger than I was before.

I had literally already talked myself out of going to see Iyanla Vanzant at the Fox Theatre. Maybe someone else will buy my ticket, I thought. Besides, it was a fabulous seat. The thought of having to change out of my pajamas and getting dressed up was too much for me to think about. Then there was traffic. I would have to leave at 5:30 and who in their right mind would get into traffic at that time? Not to mention, I would be exhausted from working all day. It was just too damn much! Just as I was about to post my ticket for sale online, I sat down and was still. I sat still, took a breath and began to laugh. Who said I had to get dressed up? I can go as myself. Iyanla said she focused on healing and not image. So I removed that self placed pressure I created and decided whatever I put on I would be fabulous. You know why? Because I am fabulous. Why was I worried about traffic? I had not been in my car all day and I am sure it was nothing me and Ludacris could not handle with a little “Move B***** Get Out Tha Way!” Step by step, little by little, I got dressed and out the door I went.

The Fox is a beautiful theatre and there were so many beautiful people there. The funny thing is I met so many people that were there alone, but we ended up leaving together as sisters. When Iyanla hit the stage, the crowd went wild.  Okay, full disclosure, I wanted to run up on stage and steal a hug. I decided against that because I did not want to go to jail and end up on YouTube. The show was so powerful you could feel the energy, connections and people getting stronger. You had to be there to experience it.  Some things she touched on that really spoke to me were:

  • Sometimes we have to ask God to soften our heart. Forgiveness is rough!
  • When we use the word fear, it’s not that at all. It’s not being in control of the outcome.
  • Never underestimate the ruthlessness of the ego.
  • Be mindful of the things you think about and what you place your focus on.
  • Be careful what you tell yourself about yourself.
  • All thoughts are neutral. They have no value or meaning until we assign it.
  • We focus on negative emotions more than the positive ones because of the emotional pulse attached to it.

Her book “Get Over It” is a must read. It is not what it sounds like. She is not saying get over it in a flippant manner, but in a way that teaches you how to leave the negative behind so it no longer holds you hostage.

I plan to keep this good feeling going for as long as I can. HS, anxiety, depression, anger nor excuses will stop me!  I want all of us to shoot for the good feeling. If you are unable to show up for yourself, it’s okay, I WILL SHOW UP FOR YOU! We are all in this together. We don’t have to do it alone.

I love you all to life!

Landa