Tag: angry

See You Later or Goodbye?

therapistsneedtherapytoo1 Comment

Do you remember the last words you said to your friends of family today? When I spoke with my mommy, auntie and granddaughter (of course on Bluetooth) I made sure to say “I love ya’ll”  before hanging up the phone. I have every intention of calling them back before I go to bed tonight. Not one time did I stop to think about what if one of us never made it home? I have to admit it’s something I often take for granted. There have been countless examples in the news lately when people leave home to go to work, school or run a quick errand and never make it back.  During their grief, I am sure family and friends wonder what was the last thing I said to my son, daughter or friend?

None of us are robots and I know we are not always in the best mood. Maybe we are having a bad day because we are sick or because we are upset about something.  I still try to remain mindful and make sure I don’t end a conversation on a bad note.  We never know if it will be see you later or goodbye.

I can recall recently being home alone and not feeling well. I was determined to handle everything on my own because I did not want to bother anyone. I was irritated because I was in pain and I was irritated because of course I had so much to do and getting sick was not on my to do list. Before I decided to turn off my cell phone, my friend called to check on me and I was a bit short with him. I don’t even think I said goodbye. I literally just hung up. Not too long after the hang up there was a knock at my door. Not only was my friend standing at the door, but he threatened to call my mommy if I did not let him in. When I let him in, I laughed so hard and apologized for being so short with him. I told him I loved him and thanked him for checking on me. Turns out, I really needed everyone, all of my friends and family. I try not to end a conversation without saying I love you.

I hope everyone takes time to think about how words have power. Something as small as saying thank you or I love you to someone can make a world of difference. If you are in  a bad mood already or if someone makes you angry, try to be mindful of your words because those words could be the very last ones you speak or that they hear from you.

 

Ephesians 4:26-27 26″In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27and do not give the devil a foothold.

(Insert Colorful Verbage)

therapistsneedtherapytoo2 Comments

When I was thinking about a title for my post, all I could think of were words that were not appropriate and since my mom reads my blog, I decided against it. So I decided to let all of you use your imagination. Pain is as real as it gets. If I don’t actually say to someone I am in pain, my body does it for me. When I am unable to walk, sit or stand without crying I am in significant pain. I feel vulnerable when I am in pain and if I lived in a perfect world, it would be my best kept secret. On days like today, vulneralbility be damned because my feelings and emotions are all over the place. I want to have a pity party and be sad, but part of me is just so angry.  I feel like knocking down every door and wall in sight because I feel like no one understands or is even trying to understand what it is like to have Hidradinitus. It is a condition that will test you in each and every area of your life. It’s not like a headache that comes and goes. HS comes, sets up shop and builds an entire community.

Today I feel defeated. HS won the battle. I wasted time I will never get back trying to explain to people who sit behind a desk, identify me by a number and have no clue or care about me or my life, how much pain I am in on a day to day basis. It was like trying to explain the smell of an eyeball. I have to admit, there are days I want to take pictures of all of the areas of my body that are and have been touched by HS and send it to people like them.  I know I have said before I would not wish HS on my worst enemy, but today is not that day. I don’t think the “powers that be” will completly understand HS unless they or someone they love all of a sudden have this awful condition.

HS is sometimes considered an invisible illness because not all the cysts and scars are visible when we are fully dressed. I feel like I have to convince people I am sick because I don’t look sick. I didn’t ask for this and I don’t want it. Today I am not as strong as I would like to be. Today is a day I wished my dad was still alive so he can defend me to the bad guys.  Today is a day I wish I lived with my mom so I could crawl in her bed and cry while she tells me I am going to be fine. Oh well, today is over and I will live to fight another day tomorrow. I am going to bed and pull the covers over my head!

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