Today I Chose My Scars…..

The day was filled with doctor’s appointments and I worried about having the energy to get it all done. I was so anxious today, I drove to the old office building for my appointment. Maybe it wasn’t anxiety, maybe it was the trap music I was listening to while I was stuck in traffic for an hour. Did I mention the office is only 15 minutes away from my house? The only appointment I was looking forward to was my HS appointment with Dr. Weisman. She has a way of making me feel like I can rule the world because if I can live with HS, everything else is a breeze.  Even though Dr. Weisman knows each and every scar and active place I have, it’s still uncomfortable when you are au naturel in front of your doctor, nurse practitioner and nurse.  After she checked in with me, she began my examination. She was so proud of the progress of the healing in places, especially my left arm. Dr. Weisman then asked me if I wanted to have surgery to remove all of the scarring. My first reaction was “umm yeah!” The chance to actually cure HS on a part of my body is what I have been waiting on all of my life. Or at least I thought it was. Just as I was about to have a full blown party in my head, I had some questions about the surgery.  Will it hurt? How long is the healing process? Will I have a scar? Will I need someone to stay with me? And again, will it hurt?  She told me the doctor would cut out all of the scarring from arm, take skin from my thigh and put it under my arm. There is at least 2 weeks of down time and several weeks of not being able to lift my arm.

I immediately began to weigh out the pros and cons. I wouldn’t have HS under my arm and no more bandages. That was the only pro I could think of. The cons came to mind so naturally. What about work and Gambino? What about the healing time of the place they are removing the skin from? Will the new skin under my arm look like normal skin? Am I just replacing one scar for another? Will this really change the type of shirts I wear? After taking all of those things into consideration,  I declined Dr. Weisman’s offer. She was perfectly fine with my decision and told me she completely understood. I thought about all of the new ventures I have coming up, now is not the time to stop. I feel like I am in a chapter of awakening in my life and I am looking forward to what it has in store for me. At this point in my life, I am okay with my scars. My scars are a part of me and they come with the package that is Yolanda. Love it or don’t look.

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